Welcome to my little ol' blog. I'll be upfront about it: I don't blog very often any more. If you found your way here because you read my book "Trailer Life," have a gander! But it's easier to keep up with me on Instagram or on my Facebook page. I have this long, drawn out theory on why I'm a terrible blogger, but that is a story for another day. Enjoy the ramblings of my life from the last 8 years or so.

Friday, July 10, 2009

"This isn't a bad day, this is what you'd call 'EXCITING'!"

So says Ryan when I tell him I think this is the worst day of my life to date.
He continues with, "It's not like anyone if the family died or got seriously hurt." True, true.

But my day has been thus so far:

Wake up at 5:30 am to go for a walk. A walk, rather than a run, because I am taking a break. I take our stupid dog, George the Great-stubborn-Pyrenees, because he likes the exercise, and I like the mountain lion killer instinct in him. We meet up with our biologist neighbor, again, with his female dog (IN HEAT) and George, the "I weigh more than my owner and and have a brain the size of a pea and am so stubborn I should be a donkey" dog is done following me. No, he's not on a leash. Yes, he will be next week. Anyway, I have been getting up before dawn to run because it's the only time I have to myself. MY ONLY OPPORTUNITY. This week I ran into this neighbor TWICE. Haven't seen him all summer, yet this week, he's out walking again! You know what? He doesn't have any kids, and he doesn't need to taking his dog out for a walk when I'm out running! But the best part? (The part that is rational, the just said part is all emotion-feel-sorry-for-myself-I-hate-people...) He stops me and asks me if we are going to put skylights in our house. WHAT?
"Oh, you should come by and see our skylights. They are triple glazed, and so efficient."

Me (while trying to hold a 100+ pound MALE dog back off his cute little Kelsey) "Oh. Um, no, we don't really care for skylights because of the energy transfer of heat and whatnot. Plus, our floor plan is almost completely open with numerous windows for the main living area. The bedrooms are a little dark, but since we sleep in there, that doesn't really bother us."

"Well, you should consider it. It's really nice not to have to turn on a light in the daytime. Plus, you have that 12 foot porch all the way around your house, it must be dark in there. Are you going to run a swamp cooler?"

"No, we are going to go with air conditioning." (My trying not to kick my dog who is being truly obnoxious and scaring the other dog.)

"Really? You know, with this climate, AC just sucks what little moisture out of the air. A swamp cooler would be much more efficient. And with our straw bale walls we have an R-value or 60 and our roof is an R-value of 38."

"Ya, well, we are putting in TWO air conditioning units so we can control different zones in the house." ("So there! And damn your environmental save the earth views!" Do I need to say I was eye rolling by now, wishing he'd just take his dog home already and leave me alone? He makes me want to plow my back 20 acres into alfalfa fields. That would make him really upset. Oh! See? I'm a fighter, not a lover. That's bad.)

After a few more exchanges about how nice his skylights are, he finally notices (?!?) me struggling with my dog and leaves. I hold George until I think they are far enough away, and as soon as I let go of George, he bolts for the cutie dog. I bolt the other direction towards home and sprint (Aack!) into the trailer where I start to wash my arms off of dog spit and fur. Did I mention when I am holding George that he doesn't really appreciate it? And that his mouth envelopes my appendages? Not like he's biting me, but kinda. I wake up Ryan and tell him the situation. I grab a hunk of salami and get into my car to try to retrieve the stupid dog. I find him, with the neighbor and his dog, and we go through the EXACT SAME THING. "You really ought to consider those skylights..." and me sitting on my dog after the salami wouldn't work. I again wait and wait until they are across the street and a quarter mile away... I can't believe how fast "stupid" can run when he wants to. I came back sobbing hysterically because my sitting on the dog cranked up a lot of adrenaline and produced many scratches and a bruise from a tooth (again, not a really bite, but my leg was in his mouth...) AND I felt like this guy and his dog were invading my personal space and my personal time. Ryan went and got him for me.

I think I might need some therapy as to why my running time (with no interruptions) is so danged important to me.

I shower. The kids wake up. We get ready to spend some time with Ryan because the kids haven't seen him in days, and he's going to be gone all next week. Can't find Ed's shoes. ANYWHERE. He wears Will's. While driving we see a Great Pyrenees running amok in a field and Ryan says, "Looks like someone else has the same problem." We leave and get donuts for the kids. Jessie has a nasty, smelly, leaky diaper problem that gets changed in the parking lot of the donut shop. Now she looks totally white trash because she has no pants. We make it to the big city and go to Lowe's for some house wrap and more wood stain. The kids were the WORST behaved I have ever seen them. They have been so good lately, and they regressed terribly this morning. In the stress of that (IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD DAY WITH DADDY!) I left my purse at Lowe's. In the parking lot. With my wallet. With our grocery money for the rest of the month. Credit cards. I discover this about 10 minutes later, we turn around with me having a full fledged anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe and I was like a leaky faucet with my eye balls. Last summer (summer before?) when Ryan dropped his cell phone at the movie theater, some guy picked it up and in less than 24 hours racked up $1300.00 worth of charges. I was thinking of this and imagining the worst. All my credit cards maxed out, our house money gone... I run into the store when I see it isn't where we parked and asked the lady at the counter if anyone had turned in a purse. She said, "I'm not sure, let me ask..." I seriously thought I was going to fall over. A guy came over and said, "Oh, ya. Let me go get it!" It was locked up in the back. Nothing was touched. Maybe it was the poopy pants I had stuffed in there that acted as a deterrent (they were wrapped in a paper towel! I thought maybe I could put them back on Jessie if they were just wet, but in the store I discovered they were MORE than just wet).
Actually, I met the man who turned it in. He had a Lowe's shirt on, and was walking in the parking lot and saw me with it. He said he had found a brand new cell phone just the other day in about the same spot. I thanked him profusely. I hope it was profusely... I was still having my anxiety attack. I couldn't see straight... I'm grateful for honest people.

After another 10 minutes of sobbing and no air, I was able to calm down. We went to the fabric store and made it home without incident. So, it's been better. Now I feel emotionally drained, and I'm pretty sure my new Scentsy wax melter thing gave me a headache. I'll be glad when today is over so I can start again.

As for George, we are going to get him a choke collar, a fun and dandy new leash, and some serious doggie lessons. Ryan said I should write to Cesar who-ever, the Dog Whisperer. I'm thinking I wish I'd had a cattle prod. Just one little poke. We'll keep George. But my next dog is going to be another German Shorthair.


  1. Ooohhh my goodness! What a day! I'm not sure I'm with Ryan in calling it an "exciting" day. Hopefully, one day you will be able to look back on this and laugh. Maybe? I don't know but I hope you get to sleep early and wake up to a better day! :)

  2. You make me cry (and laugh)! One of my favorite children's books is "Alexander's Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". Sounds like you could write your own! I'm sorry that all happened in one day. If you need a mental break while Ryan is gone call me, I'll come get your kids and they can chase snakes and lizards here with the boys.