On Music

Image from here.

I like music... when other people are providing it. I hate practicing because I hate messing up. I suppose the Type-A personality in me wants it to be perfect the first time, every time, and I get nothing short of skeptical, almost downright discouraged, when I mess up. Because I want my children to learn how to read music, to sing, and be able to play at least two instruments (the piano and something else), I won't quit. But I won't be surprised if I get kicked out of all things musical soon. I am accompanying a duet next Sunday. The song isn't that difficult. At least, it's not when your fingers and brain are working TOGETHER and reading-playing the right notes. I will practice lots this week and it will be fine, but I'm thinking this will be the last time I play. (I keep saying that.) And as for me and singing? I am singing in the choir. I am singing tenor. And I'm not good. It's really hard. It technically shouldn't be any harder than singing alto, but it is! And I'm pretty sure the rest of the tenors are relying on me, and they shouldn't be. I left today thinking I have no business looking at music. I'd like to say all it takes is practice, but there is that point where I've done everything I can with what God gave me, and I'm just not going to be good. Which is hard for my "I have to be the best!" personality. Maybe it's a lesson in humility. Maybe it's a wake-up call that I've been slacking with the piano playing. I'm going to throw this one out there- music is not a natural talent of mine. So, I can't sing, I am mediocre at best on the piano, and I have no rhythm, which makes timing a challenge. (Let's set the record straight right now that rhythm is not the same as coordination, which is why I cannot dance, but can serve, score, kick, run, tackle, and hit in sports.)

I will keep practicing. Both the singing and the piano. But after this is all over I think I need to find something I'm good at so my self-esteem will return.