Yesterday was the best Mother's Day ever, so far, in my almost 12 year history of being a mom. No one puked, bled, or threw a tantrum! That probably comes with the blessing of growth, and you know what? I'll take it.
It is likely just the mood I am in, but I am feeling especially pensive today. I am also feeling lazy, tired, not hungry, and my feet are cold. But I want to focus on the pensive feeling. The peering into my brain, the doubts, the questions, and the trying to be patient with myself feelings. These feelings all stem from this change in circumstances that I am going through with my schooling being finished, the Bar exam looming in front of me, and the aftermath of it all. Will I pass the first time? I hope so. But, it is no guarantee.
What about my writing projects? Do I lay those aside or keep plowing through? I don't like to read what I write. To see my words on a page and thrown back at me is difficult. But here I am, revisiting the idea that I had three years ago when I knew, KNEW that I needed to write a book and submit it to a publisher. I didn't listen, exactly to that prompting. I hemmed and hawed and wrote "Trailer Life" instead. But now I think it is time to start working again. To pull it out, brush it off, and put forth something I can be happy with. I guess this is the time when I need to take that leap of faith and plug my nose while I jump in with both feet. Quash the nagging little voice in my head that tells me I am incompetent, that I can't do it, and that I have no business even trying.
Eh. Today is a great day. A great day to mull around with my ideas, not do laundry, and not workout. Tomorrow will be an even better day, because tomorrow I will work. It begins.
Did I mention I took a 2.5 hour nap this MORNING? The cows ate my trees and I was tired, so off I went! It was great. Did not help me at all get anything done. But oh, how I must have needed the sleep!
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